'tis what she feels

CUT CUT CUT

2009-06-17T19:33:09Z

i feel like cutting myself off from...some. a whole new life as i welcome the big 2. it's when i shall live as an adult and be more sensible.

& what are friends? i don't quite seem to grasp the whole concept of it all. i treasure the very few, very minimal constants in my life. what will i do without youuuuu C & Sh! i hate that the States are taking my friends away from me very soon. HA HA.

things will probably change as i embark on this coming new phase. yepp, oh well. i'll welcome anything that goes my way.

i keep saying the same old things again and again. YAWN.

i'm coming to you HK. i missed you! gonna shop till i drop. yayy! smack your bumbum! i want cold mixed noodles with weird ingredients again. my feet are dancing.

wow, how time flies. rewind exactly a year back, i was getting myself into deep shit. deep shit that gave me hell for like...almost forever. now forward to the Present, i'm having an awful lot of fun with the going-ons. & i'm going back to HongKong almost a year later from then, my shopping haven, my paradise, THIS IS GOOD.

i feel like i know what i want to do already, but we'll seeee.

drama-rama

2009-05-06T09:17:28Z

because this is the only place i can rant...

when a game gets too serious, it repels you away. but one can not be labeled as a sore loser.

you lose your temper, but after much thought, you'd think...this is only but a game.

you have no right, no right at all.

2009-04-02T20:08:20Z

it's not like i'm trying to be a heroine by poking my finger into this matter but the things that were sprawled all over that conversation were really uncalled for, & it's not like i don't have the right to be typing all these down because my name was blatantly mentioned so there you go.

M, you have absolutely no right to call my friend a bitch because it's nothing compared to the amount of shit that you've done to the people around you. i've kept my piece in since the very beginning for a long time coming now because i seriously didnt give two hoots anymore 'til the minute "YH is a bitch..." appeared.

Hello C, to say that you and M will watch the both of them fall while you two will prosper was the worst thing anyone could say especially when your bf clearly brings harm to his r/s. don't even get me going M, i mean well if you wanna retaliate on that fact. get real, i'm sure it's not too much to say that he has hurt you one two many times. i'm not cursing the both of you or anything, or not even half way there trying to sew discord between the both of you because the both of you clearly look so good together. & who in the right mind would insult someone like that when she's never said one thing about breaking the both of you up? could it be possible that you're just trying to make your r/s sound so strong just so that you can get rid of all the negativity of the possibilities of being together forever...just so that you can make yourself feel better having it inside you that forever might never happen?

sure, it takes two hands to clap and that was how everything started in the first place but C, don't make it sound like i was the one who was majorly at fault because you don't know much or even enough to say anything. i knew things that he did that he didn't even know that i knew. all i did was to be stupid and understanding to keep mum about everything. & have i ever once said that i didn't have any input into the reason why things ended? i know i had my faults, so shut your trap and don't try to throw your sympathy by saying that you know that i've been through alot. srsly, just worry about your r/s with M because i think you need it. but you don't need the sympathy because someone else needs it more than anyone here.

& M, if you don't see much of the past that you can't be bothered to even rmb, why get so worked up? living joke. i mean, it was just a figure of speech but does it give both you and your gf the right to just start being mean by demeaning and calling her names? don't make others despise you anymore than they already do. ~~sometimes~~, you need to have an open heart, to let trivial matters as such get pass you. stop behaving like a little boy and grow up. there comes a time to accept all the negative comments, embrace them and figure how to make improvement on your character so that less people will turn their backs against you.

i'm sorry for all that has happened, but dig deep into your conscious, have you ever once apologized to me? nope. even when we ended that call, i had to be the one who said sorry for spoiling your already bad day over some broken cabinet in the studio. & that is why no matter how much i tried to stop pulling a black face, i couldn't. even when it already reached to the point of me not giving a shit about you, it already became a habit, so black face was all you got. i'm a bitch, and you know that. just stop all these childish acts and rmb, a person only has A heart that can only store ONE person at that ONE time. don't go about saying that i've no right to say this, because boyyyy, you know that i do.

it's been so long, enough already. we are only human, the past will haunt us, only to constantly remind us of the lessons that we've learnt. there were consequences to bear so yes. OPEN HEART, MIND & SOUL.

Hunn, i hope this makes you feel better. (:

opulentardor @ 2009-03-26T06:34:00

2009-03-25T22:35:25Z

i've been sitting here on my bed for the past 5 hours just playing tap tap.

INSANE.

senseless...senseless. 5 hours of my life just went past like that.

opulentardor @ 2009-03-23T00:50:00

2009-03-22T16:51:01Z

imu

tit for tat; hatred for hurting

2009-03-07T22:23:12Z

i must say 'twas a good week. all the efforts taken to resolve hanging issues, clearing all misunderstandings and apologizing for all the anger, bitchfits, and back lashings. oh MAMA.

trashed, cried and laughed it all out. emotional week i must say, but all's well and great now. i'm also glad that i had that conversation just now. felt so much better after everything. i just felt like updating this on my LJ...i gained back the friendships that i rmb i once so treasured and i'm so much happier.

throw away the unworthy ones, and start afresh with the ones that actually do matter. this is the best thing so far in 2009. like i said, 2009's a much better year. things are getting so much better.

on a sidenote...well well, a leopard never changes its spots aye. go on...carry on with what you're best at. the whole world's laughing now, especially bebelhy. why so greedy with wanting the best of both worlds? tsk tsk. listen, it'll only work to your own disadvantage, just wait and see.

and srsly, sha'ap cos i don't fancy the sight of you either. not that i didn't try :D:D:D:D:D:D, i just can't. i not so kind-hearted one LOR. *rolls eyes

//& suddenly, trusting has become so difficult...you never know whose speaking the truth...

the other 0.5 left to destiny

2009-01-18T23:39:18Z

moved (:

ps: happy 20th birthday hunn! love much.

opulentardor @ 2009-01-06T06:53:00

2009-01-05T22:54:03Z

٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶.

opulentardor @ 2008-12-20T04:11:00

2008-12-19T20:14:03Z

dead

my heart is an empty room

2008-12-12T19:25:07Z

this emptiness i have inside me is death sentencing.

resounding silence, it scares.

what did i ever do that was so wrong to meet with a fate as such? why does the bad guy get the happiness instead of the one who never did anything wrong in the first place? whose smiling? not me. this is unfair, but it's life. it's making me lose faith in almost everything.

last night wasn't good, at all. it was a form of release, yes sure, but that's not how life should be.

but wait and see...i'll be the one smiling at the end of the day. with pure joy, with an amazing bundle of happiness so genuine and precious that no one can imagine.

it's time to pick up on my faith.

xoxo, beatrice.

life is good, my fate is going to change. (:

Canon in D [Locus Iste (Sanctus)] - Pachelbel - tapchiamnhac.net

a song that'll always keep my fire burning, and it will go on forever. i'm hopeful and actually certain. thank you.

im

2008-12-09T21:04:45Z

i really do, sigh.

greedy i guess.

my throat hurts so badly, i can't stop coughing, my nose is stuffed up to its limit, and i feel extremely terrible.

zombiefied

2008-12-03T23:37:16Z

haven't had a wink of sleep
& it's time to run to school
total madness

at its best

2008-12-03T00:37:38Z

i miss someone, but that someone has long been of non existence

but i said i wasn't going to bother anymore because it was just a waste of my time though it was indeed, of great help.

just smile, because beatrice, you've got so many other reasons to smile.

^ ^

it's history, so smile like you mean it

2008-12-03T00:23:15Z

never shed another tear and keep smiling even if it makes you look idiotic.

i have a goal and i'll do it. (:

in this world of mine, history will never repeat itself. it will never.

opulentardor @ 2008-12-01T05:12:00

2008-11-30T21:15:05Z

i want out, i really want out.

opulentardor @ 2008-11-28T19:20:00

2008-11-28T11:23:03Z

i HATE FYP. i don't feel like doing it anymore. I WANT TO QUIT.

opulentardor @ 2008-11-28T05:58:00

2008-11-27T22:00:14Z

hmmm sigh...

opulentardor @ 2008-11-26T02:13:00

2008-11-25T18:15:42Z

(((((:

^ ^

IHY. huhu. QT hehe. (:

2008-11-24T16:25:50Z

get out of my head. why keep popping inside my mind? you make your presence so strong, so much so that i feel like running away at times. why luhh...HUHU. :(

QT QT QT ((((:

now at least there's something to keep me happy with.

opulentardor @ 2008-11-23T05:49:00

2008-11-22T22:30:00Z

if this is how things are going to be, so be it. i shall no longer give two hoots about anything.

it was just a complete waste of my time and capacity of the mind.

fyi, i left and i'm doing great. hh would've been proud of me.

if only i called earlier, things might've been different. if only i listened to my gut feeling and not be swayed by the opinions of others.

ahhh, stop bothering. maybe, i've my ownself to blame.

k srsly, whatever.

opulentardor @ 2008-11-22T00:12:00

2008-11-21T16:19:00Z

i've grown to really hate you.

you fucking hell of a bitch. shut your mouth and keep the bloody things to your fucked up self. don't be so full of yourself because rly, you're not everything.

gorgeous aye, my ass. go to hell.

shameless, and you totally embarrassed yourself. tt's why some people can't help but just look at you with a disgusted face.

HA HA HA.

just looking at you, just having to hear your laughter, rly sucks.

sometimes i wish i could just box your stupid face.

opulentardor @ 2008-11-20T06:18:00

2008-11-19T22:23:25Z

^ ^

-.-

:((

-.-"

^ ^ Y

opulentardor @ 2008-11-19T18:18:00

2008-11-19T10:28:38Z

FUCK IT

always not practicing what you preach

what a smartypants.

i'm leaving on a jet plane

2008-11-17T01:48:53Z

omg, i just finished my report.

i almost died doing it.

my printer's out of ink, so the pictures are out ugly :( nevermind about that...

it's time...

time to leave for good.

because i was short

2008-11-15T19:44:31Z

i can't help but feel this way, when is this ever going to stop?

i can't help but remember things that should've already been washed out of the system. & it just all happened without any warning.

can somebody just save me...

i wished upon stars, i wished on my fallen eyelashes, i prayed. i'm tired. yes, laugh at me.

i haven't been myself lately. everyone's becoming someone else. can things just go back to how they were before? this change is killing me. why...why are all these happening?

// weird instincts cause me to act this way. i'll try my best to smile the best i can, be who i was able to be without that tad bit of remorse. less of the hotness & coldness that i've been behaving of late. promise.

i even hate myself for acting this way. time and again, i feel like knocking my head against the wall.

don't take it to heart i guess. S.